I tend to go through periods of being very secure and very insecure about my presence on the Internet. When I say presence, I mostly mean my youtube channel. I have been posting videos for over two and a half years, and I don't even have a hundred subscribers, not even close. And, I mean, I didn't start making videos with the hopes of becoming "youtube famous". Honestly, I'm not really sure why I started making videos. I remember when I decided to start making videos, but I don't remember why. I feel like I saw it as a challenge and as a new creative outlet and those two things together intrigued me a whole lot.
Anyway, when I first started making videos, I never did it with the hopes of becoming famous on youtube, nor did I plan to make money from it, or have making videos be my job. I started because the whole concept seemed interesting. And, for the past two and a half years, I have continued to make videos because I genuinely enjoy it, I find it very fun. Sometimes I have these thoughts, where I think to myself, "Why on earth do I film myself talking to a video camera, alone in my room, and then post it on the Internet for anyone to see? And why is that completely normal?!" However, ninety-nine percent of the time I absolutely making videos, and it has become a pretty big part of my life.
The downside, though, is that I still have so few subscribers. Like I said, I never thought I would get millions of subscribers, or that lots of other people would know who I was. But, I mean, I guess I kind of figured after over two years of making videos, I would have at least a thousand subscribers. I mean, that doesn't seem too unreasonable to me.
Having so few subscribers, and having my videos getting so little attention has often lead me to think that I'm boring, that I'm not interesting, that I should just stop making videos. I mean, I don't want to stop making videos, by any means, and I know that it doesn't matter if other people watch me, because I make videos because they make me happy, not because it makes other people happy. And, I mean, worst case scenario, I know my mom will always watch my videos (she still doesn't understand youtube...).
But then, today, I was talking to one of the girls I work with, and she was telling me that she just discovered last night that I had a youtube channel, and she went and watched a bunch of my videos and she loved them and she subscribed and she said she found them very entertaining. And, frankly, I believed her. If she hadn't liked my videos, she could have just never mentioned to me that she had found my channel and I would have been none the wiser. But she made it a point to tell me that she had found my channel and liked my videos. So, I mean, if she can find them and like them, why can't other people? I suppose I could actually try to advertise my channel to other youtubers and try to draw traffic to my channel. But, if there's one thing I've learned from watching youtube, it is that other youtubers hate when you try to market yourself on their channel or in the comments of their videos. So, I mean, talking about myself in comments will make people hate me and then they definitely won't check out my channel.
So, I guess what this all means is that for now the best I can do is continue to post videos that I enjoy, about whatever I want, and know that everything happens for a reason. So, if I am meant to have a lot of followers, then the right people will find my channel and help support me. And, if not, I will still continue to make videos just for me (and my mom).
What about you? Let me know in the comments if you have ever been in a similar situation (that was very vague... just leave me a comment!!)
Days until summer: 8
Exams until summer: 3
Days until camp: 48
xo
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