I've never really gone into a lot of detail here about my childhood and my teen years. I'm a much different person now than I was ten years ago, or even five years ago, and I usually don't see a lot of reason to dwell on that part of my life. Those of you who know me probably have some idea as to the things I went through in my preteen and teen years (and if you don't you can ask; I'm pretty open about it all).
Anyway, this story starts in the spring of 2004. I'd already been through some pretty tough stuff, but things were finally starting to look up; I could finally see the light at the end of this horrible tunnel I'd been stuck in for over three years.
At this point I was fourteen years old, in the last couple months of grade eight. I was excited to finally be done with middle school, and I was really looking forward to high school, to all the new experiences that would come with a new school.
I woke up one April morning (I can't remember the day of the week) and thought it was going to be like any other day. I started getting ready for school: I showered, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, did my hair. Just before it was time to leave for the school bus, I was putting on some makeup.* I closed my left eye to put on some eyeliner, no problem. But then, when I closed my right eye, I couldn't see anything. It was completely black. I knew this wasn't normal. I blinked a few times, rubbed my eye, looked around for a huge eyelash, or anything that could be preventing me from seeing, but there was nothing. I tried again but still couldn't see anything from my left eye. This was when I knew there was a problem.
I went and told my mom, and she told me that I already had an optometrist appointment booked for the next week. Personally, I think she thought I was making up and/or exaggerating what was happening. I've asked her about it since, and she says she believed me, but I was pretty dramatic back then** and I don't think I would have believed me.
Anyway, a couple weeks later, I went and saw my optometrist. First, he checked my right eye, with the chart of letters, and I was fine, no problem, almost 20/20 vision. Then he covered my right eye, so he could check my left. He asked me if I could read the letters, and I told him I couldn't, that it was all black. He adjusted the chart and asked me again, and I said it was still all balck. He did some tests on my eye, and some looking around, and he told me there was definitely a problem. Unfortunately, because he was just a check-up optometrist who gives out prescriptions for glasses, he didn't have any of the equipment necessary to determine what exactly was wrong with my eye. So he referred me to an opthamologist who was right in my town. I went and saw him that same day, and he told me there was something wrong with my retina (at the back of the eye; it sends the image you see to your brain, so you know what you're seeing).
I was referred by the opthamologist to see a retinal specialist at a hospital in Scarborough. He told me that there was scar tissue on my retina (basically, there was a scar on the inside of my eyeball). He then referred me to another retinal specialist, at Toronto Western Hospital in downtown Toronto. When I finally went to see him, he told me I would have to have surgery on my eye, so they could remove the scar. It was probably late May or early June when I saw him for the first time, and he wanted me to have the surgery as soon as possible. But, I was spending most of that summer at camp (duh) so we were able to postpone to surgery until the fall.
The surgery itself wasn't that bad. I had already had four other surgeries, so I was kind of used to the whole process.*** Plus, it was a day surgery, so I was able to go home that same day; I didn't have to spend the night at the hospital. But, it was the recovery that was a real problem. When they took the scar tissue out of my retina, they put a bubble in my eye to protect my retina so that new tissue could grow. But, if I was sitting normally, the bubble would float to the top of my eye and my retina wouldn't be protected at all. This meant that, for the two weeks following my surgery, I had to be face down basically all the time, so the bubble could go to the back of my eye and my retina could heal.
We were able to borrow a portable massage table from a neighbour and I spent most of my time lying on that. I also had a lot of visitors every day: friends, family, people from our church. Honestly, I don't remember how I ate or went to the bathroom or even walked around my house when I was bent over, face down, all day every day. I was only allowed to lift my head for brief amounts of time every morning and night, when I had to get eye drops. I was also back and forth to the hospital every day or every other day. It was an hour drive, at least, each way. I don't remember how I spent that much time in a car, being face down.
Even after those two weeks were up, my recovery wasn't over. I had to wear sunglasses all day every day for another three months**** and I couldn't do any physical activity. I was also at the hospital again once every week or ten days. It was definitely the hardest six months of my life so far, and I was in a very dark place. I was not a happy person. The worst part was, the surgery didn't even work. I still can't see out of my left eye. I suppose they could do it again, try again, but... there's no way I'm going through all that again.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this is because that surgery was eight years ago today. Although I can still only see from one eye, I don't really let it affect me any more than it has to. I don't get any kind of special treatment because of it, nor I would I ever expect anyone to treat me differently.
I don't want sympathy, I just wanted to share this story with you.
Hope you have a great day :)
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*I don't remember wearing makeup in grade eight, nor do I have any idea why my mom would let me wear makeup at that age. But that's the only reason I can think of for why I would have closed only one eye that morning. Unless I was winking at myself...
**And I'm not at all dramatic now!
***Well, as used as you can be to surgeries.
****I had just started high school, at a new school where I didn't know anyone. I disappeared for two weeks, then came back and had to wear sunglasses all the time. Way to make a good first impression...
