single ladies club

So I had just a really, really amazing weekend.  I went away for the weekend, on a retreat, with the Christian Fellowship at my school.  I really couldn't afford to go, both money-wise and time-wise.  But my mom lent me some money to go, and school...still sucks, and this week will still kill me, but I don't think it'll be that bad anymore.

I love going on the retreats.  I always feel like I get so much closer to God when I'm out there, and I'm not sure why.  It might be because I spend two and a half days with a bunch of other Christians and it's hard to not get closer when you're with that many people who have the same beliefs.  It might be because, getting out of the city and away from all the distractions just clears my mind and lets me focus on the things that are actually important in my life in the long run, not the short term stuff, like school and Facebook drama, and going downtown and just stupid stuff.  As I have been raised Christian my entire life, it's a huge part of who I am and I want to be an equally huge part of who I will be for the rest of my life.  I've struggled a lot with God and how I really feel about all of it, mostly in the last 7-10 years.  I've gone through a lot of hard stuff, and there was always this voice in my mind, telling me that the God of the Bible would not let me suffer the way I was.  I realize now that that is completely false, and all the stuff I went through has made me exactly who I am today.

At the retreat, the focus of the weekend was the book Song of Solomon.  For those of you who don't know, this very short book is about Solomon, the king, finding a woman he wants to marry.  It details their "dating", the wedding day (and night) and their marriage.  It was a good book to study, although most of the people on the retreat were not in relationships, which made discussions very short.  But it made me realize something: I'm happy being single.  I've been single for a while, and for some reason it always felt like I was missing out.  I would talk to my friends who were in relationshops and they were always so happy and things were always going so well and part of me was always jealous, at least a little bit.  I would always wonder why I couldn't have that same happiness with someone.  Was there something wrong with me?  Was I destined to be single forever?  These kinds of thoughts actually took up way too much space in my mind.  But I realized this weekend that, you know what, I am single right now.  But I'm happy!  Since this summer, I've been the happiest I think I've ever been.  I miss camp with ever fibre of my being, but instead of going into intense withdrawl and getting depressed, I've taken the happiness from the summer and brought it into my real life.  I am so genuinely happy now, and I love it.  Friends from school, who didn't see me all summer, have commented that I seem like a completely different person than I was back in the spring.  And I know that the only real change is that now I'm happy!

High: the whole weekend: mostly bonding with the other people and forming deeper friendships that will last.
Low: I actually don't think I have a low...maybe doing laundry today: it has taken approximately seven hours. Yikes!
Thankful: for the chance to spend the weekend away and grow as a person.

Books read this year: 37

love <3