I need to talk about something. This won't be easy for me to talk about, and it probably won't have much consistency between paragraphs, or even between sentences, because I will just be saying things as they come into my head, not trying to make sense. Already I'm not making sense. But go with it!
Pretty much my whole life, I've always been the "chubby" girl. Both my parents have, or had, weight issues and it's something I come by naturally. I also have a ridiculous sweet tooth and it's nearly impossible for me to say no to chocolate or candy, which really doesn't help at all. As I got older and older, the weight kept adding up. I'm very muscular, so even if I was a healthy weight I'd still weigh more than someone my height is necessarily supposed to. But either way, the truth was, in high school, I was fat. And then I started university.
I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, and in high school, living with my mom, who is also a vegetarian, and a health freak, the food she was giving me was always healthy; I never had to worry. But once I got to university, and had to eat at the campus dining hall, and got to pick my own foods, things got a little out of hand. First of all, it was not vegetarian friendly at all. Sure, it was easy to just not eat the meat, but there was nothing to replace it with. Occasionally there was tofu, but it was usually pretty sketchy, and there was rarely any other kind of replacement. Plus, it was set up like an all-you-can-eat buffet, so I could literally just keep eating. This created a huge problem. In my first year, I gained a good 20 pounds to my already overweight body. Then I went home for the summer, ate my mom's food, did a lot of exercise and was as conscious as I could be about what I was eating. This helped, but not enough. Then September rolled around and I was back living in residence and back to eating at the dining hall. I was significantly more conscious of not only what I was eating but how much I was eating, but still. The food hadn't gotten any better, so there was only so much I could do. I would have to say I gained nearly 20 more pounds in my second year. It was beyond ridiculous.
It was around this time that I realized I seriously needed to make a change: this couldn't keep happening. I went home for a month and was very strict with my self about what I was eating (only my mom's food, as much as possible) and how much exercise I was getting (as much as possible). It helped a little bit, but there's only so much that can be done in a month. Then I left for camp, where I've been since the end of May. In the last month or so, I've completely decided that this needs to end now. So I've been watching how much I eat, what I'm eating, learning to recognize when my body is telling me I'm full and then stopping! I've also been doing more exercise, although at camp, pretty much all we do all day is walk, so I'm definitely not at a shortage of exercise.
Last week I saw my mom for the first time since I left at the end of May, and she told me that she thinks I've lost weight, and my mom is my toughest critic. I don't actually know if I've lost weight, because I don't weigh myself. But I do know that I have more energy, and my clothes feel looser. Almost none of my shorts/pants even fit me anymore, they're all too big! I think this is a good sign. I've also started doing a workout routine from a magazine, and some of the other counsellors and I have decided to do yoga together every morning while our campers are waking up and getting ready. And thanks to the success story of one of my favourtie bloggers, I have signed up for livestrong.com and will be using it to track my progress. And my friend is giving me her P90X videos, and I'm going to start doing them when school starts in September. Plus I'm living in a house off campus this year and will be making all my own meals, so I can eat what I want to eat and be healthy. I feel like this is a beginning of something amazing.
Maybe telling you all this before it's even really started is like jinxing it, I don't know. But I do know that I'm the type of person where the more people who know about my goals and what I'm trying to achieve, the more likely I am to stick with it, because if I don't, everyone will know that I failed. So please, in the comments, for the next few months, every once in a while, ask me how I'm doing and keep me in check. I will let you know when I've reached my goal, and maybe even give some before and after pictures.
High: witnessing the campers write the thank-you letters to the Tim Hortons store owners who sponsored them to be here: I had no idea kids could have so much genuine emotion and happiness in them.
Low: that camp food is really starting to suck, and that I actually ate three pieces of food for breakfast. I need real food!
Thankful: that I have amazing people in my life who I know will support me in everything I do.
Books read so far this year: 34
love <3
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