I have a question: what goes through boys' minds? I'm dead serious. How do they think? Why do they think the way they do? How do they make such huge decisions they way they do? I'm sure they could ask the same thing about girls, but I know how I think so I don't really care how other girls think.
Today was supposed to be such a good day. Sleeping in, swimming, tanning, going for a run, relaxing, reading magazines, hanging out with the other counsellors, that sort of thing. And that's exactly what the morning was. And then three of my best friends left for escort, to pick kids up tomorrow and bring them to camp. And then I checked my email and I had a message from one of my best guy friends, saying he needed to talk to me, so call him as soon as I can.
Him and I were best friends in high school, and it was never romantic. He dated two of my close girl friends and my ex-boyfriend was a good friend of his. I never thought of him that way at all. Then after high school, when I moved halfway across the country, we kind of lost touch. It happened with almost all my friends from high school. I was only home at Christmas, so how was I supposed to really stay close with them?! During my first semester of university, him and I tried so hard to stay in touch, but it didn't work out at all. We all had our new friends and we couldn't visit each other...you get the idea. Anyway, this past Christmas break, him and I ran into each other at the grocery store. We ended up going out for coffee and it was so great to talk to him again. After I went back out east for winter semester, we kept talking. And we talked, and talked, and talked. By mid-March, I was seriously falling for him. It was bad. Then he told me that he was falling for me too, but didn't want to have a long distance relationship, which I can sort of understand. Long distance isn't ideal, but sometimes it happens. But I was going to be home a month later for the whole summer! We could start there and then see what happens at the end of the summer! Sounded like a good plan...until I found out a week later that I was going to be working in Nova Scotia, which is nowhere near home, for three months. Close, but no cigar. Well, for him, anyway. I still wanted something to happen, especially because I was going to be home for a month before I left for camp. We hung out almost every day I was home, but we still weren't in a relationship because he was absolutely set against long distance. And being in a long distance relationship while at camp is really difficult, but it can work. The entire time I was here, most days I was getting texts from him, saying how much he missed me and stuff like that. WTF?! Then one day, about a month ago, he called me and told me that he missed me so much and that he thought he was falling in love with me. Are you serious? You can't tell me that you don't want to be with me because you don't want to do long distance and then spend the entire time we're apart saying how much you miss me and then telling me you're falling in love with me. That's not fair to either of us. After he told me that, I told him that he needed to figure out whether he wanted a relationship or not and to stop talking to me until he figured it out because it really wasn't fair to me.
Today he called me to talk. He told me that, even though he really likes me and thinks he's falling in love with me, he can't have a long distance relationship. He said this was one of the hardest decisions he's ever made and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he doesn't feel mature enough to be in a long distance relationship. I don't know how I feel about this. Obviously I'm hurt, especially because this is the first guy I've had real feelings for since me and my ex-boyfriend broke up two and a half years ago. Plus, I really liked him. We got along so well and would have been perfect for each other. I'm having a very difficult time accepting that we're never going to happen. I'm in denial. Story of my life.
High: watching movies with friends, but not really watching them and just talking lots and lots.
Low: if you don't know what my low is, you clearly didn't read my blog very carefully!
Thankful: that I have some really amazing people who I know will comfort me no matter what!
Books read this year: 34
love <3
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